Navigating our Health as Gay Sluts
Keeping up with your sexual health is sexy
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I was halfway through my second cigarette as I paced back and forth in front of the house my roommates and I were renting during our senior year of college. My anxiety and hypochondria had kept me up all night so when the CVS opened at 9 am that Saturday morning I was the first one in. I bought the take-home HIV test, got back to my place, and followed the instructions like I had a dozen other times since I’d started college.
It would happen like this every time. After some months of hoeing, though relatively safely, the smallest cough or well earned body ache or piece of media that mentioned HIV would set off my hypochondria. For days I’d try and tell myself I was fine, but all the same I’d end up spiraling. Sure, I’d been safe but what if the condom had broken with that one guy? That bottom had said he was negative but what if he’d been lying? My brain would find any possible incident in my escapades and accentuate all the possible ways something could’ve gone wrong and I’d caught HIV.
My roommate stepped out onto the porch for his morning coffee and smoke after I’d rounded my second decade of Hail Marys on my rosary between drags from my cigarette.
“Mornin’” he said as he flicked out his lighter.
“Morning dude,” I said.
“So… Whatcha doing?” He asked as he breathed out the first puff of his cig.
I sighed, “You know. Just waiting for the HIV test result to show up inside.”
“Oh, is that all? You know you’re going to be fine.”
My friends had all seen me like this before. If it wasn’t the anxious pacing while I waited for the test result to show up on the take-home kit, it was the days leading up to it when I was distracted or upset because I’d resigned myself to probably being positive before a test was even taken. In practically every other area of my life I was the relaxed friend, the guy who went with the flow. When it came to getting tested, there was no one more neurotic.
The timer on my phone went off at twenty minutes, the take-home test’s prescribed wait time before checking the results.
I stabbed my cigarette butt into the ashtray as I walked in trying not to be too fast as I rounded on the kit that was sitting on the dining room table. I checked the reference guide back against the results and sighed with relief. Like the times before, I was negative.
Sexual and physical health play into the gay and bi male experience in a way that’s more comprehensive than most marginalized groups. As a sexual minority our bodies take center stage, not only because of the long running stigma of STD’s and STI’s, but also because physical aesthetics are always at play when it comes to sexual desire. Add in the primacy of masculine features and how they are organized hierarchically, the bodies of gay men are the epicenter of many of our biggest concerns and problems.
The last time I went to the Los Angeles LGBT Center in Weho for my tests, I asked if they had a frequent-flier’s program.
This can make exploring our sexuality both liberating as well as anxiety filled. However, in 2024 we have more tools and resources at our fingertips than ever before. With regular testing, proper vaccination, as well as the use of medical preventative measures, gay and bi men can explore the sexual opportunities that are integral to gay culture more safely today than ever before.
While we do so, we should also be conscious not to perpetuate the stigmas that are placed on us when it comes to disease and health. As men who have sex with men, heterosexual culture will always see us as innately more promiscuous and apt to disease than our straight counterparts. Using terms like “Clean” to talk about HIV status is one of the cases where we can end up reinforcing the stigmas that are impressed on us externally. Without question, we all should be disclosing the pertinent health information to those we’re engaging with sexually, because it’s ethically wrong not to give our partners the knowledge they need to make safe and informed decisions. At the same time, someone who is HIV positive but is undetectable and keeping proper tabs on their health can be a far safer partner to engage with than guys who are more careless and don’t get tested regularly.
Throughout the years, I’ve had my share of STD & STI scares. After I got on PreP, my anxiety whenever I got tested plummeted immensely. But that doesn’t mean that I was out of the woods. Since becoming sexually active over a decade ago, I’ve caught Syphilis, Chlamydia, and Gonorrhea at various points. Each time, I immediately got treated and also disclosed to everyone I’d been with that I could reach that they needed to get tested. That last part isn’t an easy thing to do sometimes but it is the right thing and if you’re getting around, you need to be prepared to let the guys you’ve been with know what’s up when a test comes back positive.
Last month I got a message from a guy that I’d topped the month before that he’d tested positive for Gonorrhea. Thankfully, I’m in a position where I was able to go directly to a testing site in Weho that afternoon and get a panel done. While I waited for the results to come back I didn’t hook up with anyone. The next week, the results came back and all of them were negative. If they hadn’t been, I’d have been sending out some texts. After years of being anxious about my sexual health, I’ve been able to keep up with it in a way that I’m no longer the spiraling basket case I used to be when it comes to getting tested. The last time I went to the Los Angeles LGBT Center in Weho for my tests, I asked if they had a frequent-flier’s program.
Below I’ve gone ahead and listed the basic vaccines and prophylactics gay and bi men should consider having. Please note, this is DEFINITELY not a replacement for consulting with your doctor or a health provider and anything here should be run past your doctor or provider before proceeding. If you’re looking for LGBT friendly health providers, check out this directory.
Vaccines you should get (See these resources as well)
Prophylactics you should consider getting on:
Finally, a full STD/STI panel should be done every 3 months if you’re sexually active. This should encompass tests for HIV, Syphilis, Chlamydia, and Gonorrhea, with throat and anal swabs for the latter two.
Final Comments
I’m currently on PreP and DoxyPep. I’ve been on PreP since 2020 and started DoxyPep in May of 2023 so I’m rounding out my first year on both. Since getting on DoxyPep, I’ve tested negative for all STI’s and STD’s despite having a number of risky incidents. For those that want to be able to explore their sexuality with real peace of mind, I highly recommend checking with your doctor/health provider about getting on the regiment.
Sex is supposed to be fun and it’s a lot of fun to explore the sexual outlets of the gay community. But if you want to feel confident afterwards that you haven’t compromised your health, you need to be taking it seriously.
Darian Black
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Great article! I'm having the absolute worst time finding mpox vaccines - I clearly missed the wave of access to this shot and now it seems no one in MA is giving this out.
I came here looking for insight into your management of HSV exposure and am disheartened to see that you, like much of the gay cruising/public sex kink community, seem to be ignoring it or at least leaving it out of the conversation. :/